I recently took a personality test online (a Jung typology test to be exact). I was bored at work, talking to some crazy person who needed to buy Wicked tickets or she would DIE, and I decided to do it for fun. The test said that I was an introvert. Well…Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving to be exact. It said I was an introvert! It also said I was a seer…so that’s cool. I was surprised by these results, but my closest friends weren’t. I thought they were wrong. I’m outgoing! How could I be an introvert?
This happened this morning.
Harmony: I feel kind of crappy today. I did not wake up on the right side of the bed. I should go on a run, that will make me feel better.
Brain: Good idea! Lets do it. Let’s just get ready. Put on a sports bra and some running shoes.
Harmony: Cool. Yup. Almost ready. Glasses or no glasses?
Brain: NO GLASSES. We don’t want to see people looking at us.
Harmony: You’re right. No glasses it is.
Ummmmm….what? Yes. I run without contacts in and without glasses on so that I can’t see people SEEING me run. How psycho is that? I actually do this everyday, but today is the first time I thought about it.
I did really well running while I was home with my family. It was lovely running on those tree-lined, shaded, private streets. Alone with my thoughts. Private. Peaceful. Inspiring. Now that I’m back in the city and there are festivals going on every other day, I have to run by mobs of people and it gives me major anxiety.
I was unbelievably shy as a little girl. I didn’t know how to talk to people. Somewhere along the way, I think it was when I joined the Navy, I reinvented myself. You know how Beyonce created Sasha Fierce? I created Harmony Willdrinkyoassunderthetable. She was/is the life of the party and a blast to be around. As I get oldER I find myself mellowing out a bit. I just don’t always have the energy to bring out Harmony Willdrinkyoassunderthetable. It’s exhausting. The real me likes to read books and watch cop shows and likes to hang out with people one-on-one and likes to be alone in silence. I am TOTALLY an introvert. How hysterical is that? It’s taken me decades to realize this. But it’s true. And I’m OWNING it. I’ll wear it like a badge. I AM AN INTROVERT and as such I’m an introverted runner.
So, as good as it is that I can now proudly proclaim that I am introverted, I need to work on the whole “terrified to see the people seeing me running” thing. Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow, no matter how terrifying, my glasses will be on. I should probably be able to see what’s around me for sanity and safety’s sake.