In this day and age (the Facebook age) we see a window into our friend’s and loved one’s lives. Every day we see posts about our friends and what they’re up to. We learn things about them that we didn’t know before. We see their political bents (liberal), their favorite movies (Soapdish, Groundhog Day, Goonies), their favorite tv show (right now…PSYCH…don’t judge me), and often we see what their favorite foods are. We see what their favorite foods are, because there is a facebook obsession with posting photos of food. “This is me eating a hotdog.” “This is me splitting ice cream with my oh so cute boyfriend.” Etc. Etc.
So here I am, beating myself up because I had a 1/2 cup of whipped cream with my sliced strawberries instead of the 10 calorie 2 tablespoon portion that I am supposed to have. I count my calories. I keep a food journal. There is no junk food in my house. I have lean protein, whole grains, and green veggies with EVERY meal. I eat every four hours because that’s what Jillian Michael’s tells me to do. I also drink enough water to supply a camel.
So I’m sitting here, beating myself up about said whipped cream…which is MAYBE 50-60 calories, and on a daily basis I have to watch my naturally slim friends eat doughnuts and cake and ice cream and hotdogs and chips and garbage. Some of them work for it, they work their asses off for it (literally) in the gym or as a dancer or whatever. But SOME of them don’t. SOME of them just get to eat whatever they want whenever they want and do nothing physically to counteract that and honestly it pisses me off. It’s clearly not their fault. They got the long end of the genetics stick.
Now my Biggest Loser food math of food in and energy out doesn’t apply to these folks I suppose. People that don’t have to deal with their weight, don’t understand how hard it is to not gain weight. We’re not all hiding in our closet eating a jar of peanut butter. I have to do everything I mentioned just to not GAIN weight. I am not a big girl, but I have to do all of this just to stay at an average, healthy weight and don’t even get me started on what it takes to LOSE weight. That’s a whole other ballgame including cardio and strength training and tears and regrets.
I know I have nothing to really complain about. There are people that have to struggle with their weight way more than I do. People who are dying from eating too much or eating too little, but nobody ever talks about those of us that are straddling the line. We don’t have food disorders, but we are genetically predisposed to store fat and have to work so hard not to. And honestly, I think if I was a dental hygienist or something I would be perfectly content being slightly pleasantly plump. However, for some strange reason, I’ve settled on being an actress. We are selling our “look,” and as a girl who is normally bigger than most envision the leading lady to be, but not big enough to be the funny character woman, it can be frustrating as hell. I don’t always know what “type” (the kind of part an actor is usually cast as) that I fit into.
So what have I learned from all of this? A. Life isn’t fair. B. What fun would it be if it were? 3. Everyone has their struggles. If they don’t have weight problems, they’re dealing with something else. D. Facebook is bunk. It’s not a true representation of someone’s life. It’s not the whole story. E. My journey is MY journey. I don’t fit conveniently into a box. I’m unique and wouldn’t want to be any other way and I am the designer of my own destiny and my own career, no one else. 7. Besides brief moments of whipped cream rage, I like eating healthy. Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. Z. “Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” -Rita Schiano